Artemis Fowl: Logical Consequences
by Doomer2
Summary: After the great Techno-crash that destroyed technology, Artemis Fowl returned and found a world that had magically recovered. Coincidence? He thought not. The world obviously had some underground help. Now Holly was worried about the current conundrum. Artemis being able to remove all signs of life from himself? Scary. Butler able to do the same? Horrific? Holly? Terrifying...
1. Chapter 1

**Note: Artemis Fowl belongs to Eoin Colfer. I do not own Artemis Fowl.**

* * *

Crates stacked haphazardly in the hallway belied the magnificent decor that was the Fowl family's hallway. Suits of armour stood at attention throughout the length of the hallway. Five doors led off to other rooms. A massive chandelier was hanging from the ceiling, it's soft light casting a dull glow over the arguing inhabitants.

"Holly,"chided Artemis Fowl the Second. "I am perfectly willing to believe this grandiose tale that you have told me. As the evidence is corroborated by Butler and Juliet, as well as Foaly, I will not question anything, even if it seems too extreme. However, you are stubbornly refusing to see my point. I have returned from a state of hyperreal existence, and it is most probable that I have lost a large amount of, if not all of my scientific knowledge. Therefore," he gestured to the crates -"All this. It is vital that I regain all my scientific knowledge at once. Immediately. The world has no knowledge of the death of a five-toed Artemis Fowl, and I intend to keep it that way. As I have to be present in society as the scion of the Fowl empire, it would be just as well that I do not appear to be different from any of my previous appearances. "

Holly snorted. She was very proud of her snorts. She was also exactly two centimeters below the average height for a fairy, and had a Neutrino blaster strapped to her belt. She was a member of LEPrecon, the fairy police that kept the Mud People from gaining access to the tunnels below the Earth.

She was also the proud owner of the very latest LEP model FairyLight wings, a prototype designed by the conspiracy theorist/married/deranged/brilliant centaur Foaly, who was one of the most active fairies involved in the reconstruction of the human world after the great technology crash. He still insisted on wearing his brain-probe proof tinfoil hat in emergencies, only when his wife, Callabine wasn't around. Holly had never understood his tendencies for inventions that melded with decor, yet she was oddly glad to have wings that didn't feel like they were there at all. Foaly had snickered at her amazement on being wearing these wings for the first time. "Really, Holly. Of course they don't feel like wings. We're experimenting with a new ultrathin polymer that folds up on nervous stimulation and still provides the ability to generate enough lift. You being the most experienced major in the LEP have the right to fly these wings first. We'll be monitoring you remotely, of course. Wouldn't want these wings to crash."

Somehow Holly had found his story very hard to believe. She was still the highest ranked female in the force and Trouble Kelp had a very hard time believing her accusations about Lily Frond. "Didn't Commander Kelp want his lovely girlfriend to try these wings on first?" she had moaned. Foaly had suddenly looked very skittish and had pawed the ground nervously. "Heh...of course not. This has nothing to do with the fact that Frond's birthday is coming up and Kelp wants to gift these wings to her and he wants all the kinks to be ironed out-" At that point, Holly walked up to the centaur and slapped him. "Ow!" he protested. "What was that for?" "For involving me in these...ridiculous endeavors and not telling me!" At this, Foaly had suddenly snickered. "What was that?" said Holly, suspicious. Foaly had burst into laughter at that point and was quite unreachable for the rest of the meeting before finally taking off in a huff. Maybe Artemis could spoof the readings and Lily Frond would crash on her very first flight.

Back to the present, then. Artemis had lately begun to start all his conversations constantly referring to his nonexistence. Something had to be done about it before it got too annoying.

"Artemis," sighed Holly. "You are perfectly fine. No one in the Fowl family could enunciate that well and still make me believe that he has suddenly lost all of his knowledge."

Artemis raised his eyebrows. "All right," he said, picking up a book at random from one of the open crates. "I am going to give you the latest release of Developments in Physics. Foaly had recommended this series to me two years ago, and I was quite interested when it turned out that humans had figured out that one could easily override the quantum Hamiltonian if one had access to a form of energy that could potentially flow backwards in time. Magic, Holly," said Artemis, looking at her vacant expression.

Holly sighed. This Artemis had not lost a certain obnoxious ability to be the smartest person in the room and make others feel stupider by comparison. He was even able to shut Foaly up nowadays.

"As I said, magic. Fairies have a unique ability to heal wounds, and this process involves the recovery of cells belonging to the same body. Magical sparks can replenish liters of blood lost in a few minutes. Where does all of this blood come from? If you observe closely, it seems to flow from the spark itself. This journal contains a rather unique write-up saying that the amount of energy lost is still accessible and can be found if you look beyond the constraints of the conservation of energy principle. Physicists don't know that their tiniest observations cannot predict that the amount of energy lost may be extracted from the human world, which fairies do in the case of magic. Rather a smart point, because the writer in question is a marine biologist by profession. I suppose he got his case from the high amount of sea vessels that somehow vanished from their lockups, correct?"

Holly had the grace to blush. She had assisted with many of those operations in Ireland, and had personally phased many tourist and LEP submarines out of existence. Her achievement was all the more commendable owing to the fact that she had only used a Neutrino and some very creative thinking.

Artemis opened the required page and asked her to read some notes the author had made during his calculations. Holly could now hear the voice of Foaly in her head, yelling through her headset about how the calculations were so utterly wrong and inconceivable and how Artemis was a fool for not recognizing that the instant he had seen them and how could the Mud People degrade themselves more and-

"-he doesn't want to associate us ever again?" said Artemis, an amused twinkle in his eyes. "I presumed as much. You haven't received those wings as a gift, Holly. You are, in all probability, testing them for the LEP. Anyway, would you mind telling Foaly that the calculations are correct, it's just that he might not have considered the possibility of the Mud People being correct for once?"

Foaly shut up in her head. Holly smirked as she heard the sound of his fingers busily running over his keyboard.

However, there was one flaw. Artemis had suddenly turned sheepish. "Artemis," she said. "You are lying to me about regaining your knowledge. You do not need any of these books. Why do you have them?"

"Holly, it isn't a matter of principle..." began Artemis. Holly help up one finger. "Stop. Let me guess. These books are mostly based on string theory and dimensional analysis...and you haven't read a book without completely perusing it yet...so you're analyzing dimensions? Why?"

"I don't know," said Artemis. "Just felt like it."

And as he walked away, slowly whistling, Holly realized that it was the first time she had heard Artemis Fowl phrase a sentence without a subject.

"Artemis," she said, flying after him. "Something is wrong with you. You have been shut up in your room for the past week, and Foaly hasn't been able to detect life inside it. What is going on?"

Artemis stopped. He turned around and shrugged, brushing his growing hair out of his eyes. He was really getting out of hand, noticed Holly. Someday, soon, she was going to give him a haircut. There would be more than a few lasers involved.

"It's because I haven't been there, Holly," he said. "It's true; Foaly can't detect life forms inside my rooms because there simply aren't any. I've given the room a Blue Rinse-" at this, Holly winced, because the Blue Rinse was a colloquial term form a solinium bomb that destroyed all life forms inside a concentrated radius and was usually contained by a time-stop-"before I've used it."

"What?" said Holly. "A Blue Rinse? Artemis, do you know how long that takes to clear up? At least twenty-four hours. And we haven't been getting any other readings from your room until yesterday, when these crates showed up. So either you found some way to immunize yourself to the Blue Rinse, which should be impossible by current technology, or you have prepared some form of extinction-level mass homicidal weapon that you tested on your room."

"And found some way to hide all traces of solinium from us," muttered Foaly in her ear. "The strongest element fairies have discovered in our attempts to advance."

Artemis sighed. "It is true that I have not left my room for the past week, Holly," he said. "Although I'm quite sure you wouldn't be able to if I gave you fifteen minutes. Five for Foaly. There are simply too many things of great interest and power in my room, and you would be quite happy to keep fiddling with them. Maybe upgrade that Omnitool of yours. You don't pick locks anymore, do you?" The Omnitool was a gift that Holly had received from her mother, Coral Short.

"As for the reason," continued Artemis brusquely. "There is no need for you to know for the moment. There should be an event that takes up your present time very soon. Good luck with that."

Not good. When Artemis Fowl specifically told you that your time was about to be occupied, you took him seriously.

"What?" hissed Holly. "You can't just say that and leave, Artemis! What kind of event is it? How many will be affected by it? Will anyone...die?"

Artemis spun around at her last words, a look of incredulity on his face. "Really, Holly?" he asked. "Do you still think so low of my clone that you expect him to kill people?" Holly took a step back. "I...didn't mean it like that, Artemis," she said. "I'm still getting used to this idea of you being a clone of the real Artemis. And since the day you've returned you've gone and shut yourself in your room for a week, somehow managed to override Foaly's communicators, and are now warning us of some...some machination that will in all probability cause us fairies to save Haven from a crisis again? Don't you think it's time you were finally open with us?"

No.

Artemis Fowl would never be open.

It wasn't in his nature.

But Holly had to try.

She was his friend.

His only friend, now that she thought about it.

"Hexana-Five."

Holly started. "What?" Artemis had reached up the top of the stairs now. "Tell Foaly Hexana-Five. He'll know what it means. Meanwhile a return pod will be arriving outside the mansion shortly. You'd best get ready."

"Hexana-Five?" gasped Foaly in her ear. "That was the old designation for...no. He wouldn't dare. He would never dare to let anything happen to it."

"What is Hexana-Five?" asked Holly, as she was sprinting towards the Fowl grounds. Her wings activated in mid-sprint and she soared through the air. The return pod, as promised, emerged with a slight pop out of the ground.

"Where did that come from?" hissed Foaly. "There were no scheduled return pods until an hour or so!" Holly didn't pause to bother about this statement as she checked the pod. LEP, all right. It has the insignia. The pod popped open with a small puff of air escaping and Holly jammed her tiny frame into it. Part of her should have been worried about how perfectly the pod fit, or how smoothly it ran, or how the monitors showed her that the pod was reaching speeds that exceeded the fairy tolerance limit but how she felt fine, but she payed attention to none of it. That was because the screaming had begun in her ear.

"Foaly?" she asked. "What's happening?'

"A practical joke." He sounded like he was snarling through his teeth. "Come back. Now."

Haven was in trouble. Again. Holly had begun to hear the screams of a city collapsing, fairies screaming, Trouble Kelp's booming voice shouting orders, the warning sirens sounding loudly through the fairy capital. She gripped the pod's controls tighter and accelerated down into the Earth. And she swore she heard Artemis' voice chuckling in her head, saying 'This might cut heavily into your vacation, Captain.'

"I don't like your idea of a joke Artemis," she muttered through gritted teeth.

"When this is over, I'm going to hunt you down and bash your skull so hard that Trouble Kelp rue the day he chose it as his name."


	2. Chapter 2

**Note: Artemis Fowl and the rights belongs to Eoin Colfer. I do not own Artemis Fowl.**

* * *

 **Haven**

 **The Lower Elements**

 **Present Day**

'D'Arvit,' muttered Foaly as he hammered away on his keyboard. "Commander Kelp, I've sent the orders of the East End for complete evacuation of the factory units. They're loaded with all sorts of experimental chemicals and I don't want anyone getting in within fifty feet of them."

Kelp barely spared him a glance as he barked out yet another order to his subordinates. "I don't want you to report every single action you perform, centaur," he barked. "Evacuate the city and push all of our functioning shuttles into the Atlantis route. Mayor Vince has messaged me that they have finished opening the final set of emergency passageways. How long will it take for all of our fairies to reach there?"

"Ehm..about four hours, Commander," said Foaly. Kelp was obviously not taking any nonsense right now. "Make it three and you keep your job," barked Kelp as he strode away. Foaly was inclined to be amused at this, but the current threat had wiped out all considerations of politeness. Why couldn't Artemis ever give them one year of peace?

His wife, Caballine, strode up next to him, her eyes roving the various monitors. "A bottleneck will be created near the South exit," she pointed out, her tail swishing. "Well, what d'you suggest we do?" asked Foaly. Sometimes he wished that his wife wasn't so perceptive, as she had outperformed him in all field analysis and reconnaissance tests on her first tour of LEP headquarters. This was one of the moments that he didn't. "Somewhere along this route.." she gestured, her hand absently tracing a path on the screen. "Get two hundred shuttles to deviate from the main tunnel and branch off towards E37, take the long route to Atlantis. With any luck they'll reach only about a quarter hour after the main tunnels. Seismic activity hasn't been as vigorous as of late and there are no flares to slow them down."

"Send the command," said Foaly as he quickly noted the efficiency of her path. "Under my name. Verification password is 'fowldestroyer'." Caballine gave him a look. "What?" said Foaly, annoyed. "It's a perfectly reasonable password. You should be glad that it doesn't need to iris-scan you, or check your blood pressure and heart rate."

Caballine shook her head and began dashing off orders. Foaly turned back to the East End monitors. Three minutes to be there live, another half hour to remove all the dangerous chemicals. That would give him about five minutes to rush back and take a shuttle out of Haven. To be fair, this was a precautionary effort, as logistics had communicated that there was a very minute chance that Haven would be threatened. But still, best not to take any chances. Plus the sheer size of the threat was enough to make any sane creature on Earth squeak and cower.

Or maybe the size would help.

"Foaly!" snapped Caballine, shaking him out of his stupor. A shuttle was hovering at the door. "Commander Kelp has ordered me to evacuate the Council members. I must go. Leave the shuttle route as it is and focus on getting Holly out. I don't know what brain the return pod you've scheduled for her has, but it's bringing her to Haven." What? Foaly jumped to the smallest monitor in the room. A red dot was blinking as it traveled down the Fowl tunnel, seemingly moving faster than should be possible. Probably a hallucination. Foaly shook his head. "Alright! Go. Just make sure you stay safe."

As Caballine left, Foaly immersed himself in running a thermal scan over Haven. It showed the usual: televisions left running, the odd phones vibrating, the hidden bars empty. He was just about to leave when the a chripy beeping began emanating from his monitor. Foaly looked up, annoyed and was about to walk over to it and-

Crash!

There was a sudden rending of wood and grinding of metal as a pod broke through the booth ceiling. Smoke billowed from its valves as it noisily creaked itself open. A very disgruntled Holly Short stepped out and gave Foaly a death-glare.

"What?" said Foaly. Holly went over to the pod and touched it with the tip of her fingers. A hissing sound emanated from the pod as she quickly pulled them back. "D'Arvit," she growled. The edges of her suit had melted open and blue sparks of magic were busy healing the sores. "Why is everyone out to destroy my lab today? First Commander Kelp comes in and smashes the loudly helpful beeping computers and then you break in and wreck the place."

"Shut it, Foaly," snapped Holly. "I want you to tell me how this happened."

"And exactly what may that be, Captain?"

"One minute-" she pointed over to her pod's log screen-"I was hurtling into the Earth faster than any shuttle you've made and the next, I end up over Haven, set on a precision course to collide with your lab. Fifty kilometers from the tunnel in an instant."

"What?" repeated Foaly, flummoxed. He took a quick look at the logs and saw that Holly was correct; her pod had covered fifty kilometers in less than an instant. Making a mental note to yell at Holly later about her supposed flying skills (the pod was dented beyond repair), a more pressing thought occupied his mind. "Whose pod is this, Holly?"

"What?" asked Holly. "Didn't you send it?" "Of course not, Captain. I never authorized a tunnel to Fowl Manor, much less a pod. And anyway it isn't built by me. My pod would never have fins like this." "Then who sent it?" asked Holly. "I'd hazard a guess and say it was one built by Artemis himself, though there are a few human technologies that could have made a pod like this. But there's a high chance that it was Artemis who built it."

"Anyway, captain. There's a much more pressing matter at hand." Foaly turned over to the main screen and noted with a sigh of relief that Haven was almost completely evacuated. The only fairies remaining were the LEP flare detection team and Trouble Kelp, aside from Holly and himself. "Why is the city empty, Foaly?" asked Holly. In response, Foaly simply pulled a picture of the threat onto his screen. Holly stood next to him, transfixed and at a loss for words.

One hundred and eighteen million tons. Pulsating, throbbing, silver metal flowing silently in layers. Sparks occasionally flying of the mass, highlighting the imperfections. Gray streams flowing downwards, the object easily keeping up with them. The furthest cameras couldn't see its boundaries. Forever a gray wasteland in every direction you cared to look. Jagged half-solidified spikes protruding from its surface. The earth rammed to the side to make way. Air heating up upon contact with it, forming a blazing corona at its front.

One hundred and eighteen million tons of iron in free fall.

One hundred and eighteen million tons.

Already in the Haven tunnel. Able to pierce any resistance in the world without any loss of momentum.

One hundred and eighteen million tons.

It should have been more dramatic. Foaly's systems should have overloaded in the face of the sheer incomprehensibility of the situation. Monitors and screens should have exploded. Haven's protective shields should have arranged themselves rabbit patterns. Commander Kelp should have performed the entire solo act of The Fairy Village and the Lush Pineapples while wearing a tutu. Yet neither did these things happen nor was that thought ever formed in the minds of the living ones. The mass of iron continued to plummet into the Earth. Heading straight for Haven. For Police Plaza (no, not the Council Hall, that wasn't enough of a target apparently). But there was nothing. The sludge nullified the sound waves made by the underground air. As far as any detectors were concerned, there was simply no noise at all.

"D'Arvit," cursed Foaly. "This is why we called you back, Holly! This...thing just shows up out of nowhere and starts sinking into the earth! Only this time it has started in E1 and is heading straight for Haven! Can you imagine, Holly, the sheer ludicrousness of the situation? One second Tara's shuttleport was in its normal state; dwarfs trying to eat their way out of the port to avoid paying entrance fees, college gnomes starting an impromptu match of crunchball, and sprites flying everywhere in order to steal pizza from the elves! The next second, a hulking mass of metal simply expands into the room, denying all resistance. All the fairies are pushed into a subtunnel and trapped there for hours as the behemoth leaves! And this occurs one hour after the Fowl Manor sensors show that Artemis has 'returned' from wherever he was! In the name of Frond, what did he do?"

"I...don't know, Foaly," said Holly, her voice tight. "Maybe Artemis decided to play a prank on us, or some such ludicrous thing. He sends me down here, without any warning, as my communicators suddenly scream red alert and I see this!"

A voice suddenly came over the intercom. "Commander Kelp has given orders to evacuate, sir." It was one of the field technicians. "That includes Captain Short as well." "Bloody hell I'm evacuating, Simmons!" barked Holly. "Fowl has gotten up to his old tricks again, and I will not abandon Haven before I have seen this threat out personally!" "With all due respect, Captain, this threat is simply not an object you can face. There is no force in the world capable of stopping one hundred million tons of iron in free fall." "Do I look like I care?" growled Holly.

"I can't see your face, Captain, but I'm assuming that it's angry."

At that moment, Holly slammed the communicator shut and barked to Foaly. "Get me a functioning shuttle. You should have two. Your wife isn't here. Give me her shuttle."

Foaly simply nodded to this and punched a few commands into his V-board. Two shuttles zoomed in front of Police Plaza. Foaly gave her one last, long look before climbing into his shuttle. "Don't do anything stupid, Holly."

"I will not. This is my job."

"Then good luck to you, Captain. May Frond guide you."

Holly climbed into her shuttle and let the engines roar, before taking off in hot pursuit.

* * *

It should have been obvious in hindsight.

Artemis wasn't going to abandon his tricks, whether or not he had returned from the spiritual world.

As such, this was to be treated like a regular Fowl mission.

The shuttle flew high above Haven, until the buildings of the city were no longer distinct. There was no cloud cover to Haven, of course, but the underground haze made it hard to discern shapes from high in the air after a while. The city was still; too quite. Unnatural. Holly preferred it to be alive and bustling, even in evacuation, the memories gave her a sense of normalcy. Something was happening. I will make sure that it does not become permanent.

The shield pulsed into view ahead, gently glimmering white. Holly barely gave it a glanced as she rammed her shuttle through it. There was the barest amount of resistance, nothing more. All the extra power was going to strengthen the Atlantis shield, she presumed. Fairies were abandoning Haven permanently again, it seemed. All due to the actions of one Mud Boy.

(Holly never stopped to consider how she blamed Artemis for everything nowadays, but she was mostly proven correct anyways)

She was above the shield now. She quickly blasted a hole through the ceiling wall and squeezed the shuttle through it. E1 opened out above her, fifty miles long on either side. It would encompass the entirety of Haven. She could barely make the blob out from her visors, but it showed it to be around a hundred miles away. Think, think. Summon the earth spirits if you need to. That blob must not be allowed to reach Haven. She kept on thinking, thinking, in frustration.

But nothing came to mind.

The monitors of the shuttle suddenly booted up. "Hello, Holly." Artemis' face appeared on the screen. The calm of his mansion suddenly seemed like a different world. Holly nearly choked as she hissed. "You insignificant little worm. What insane pleasure does this give you? Threatening the lives of fairies isn't enough? You have to resort to extinction-level threats now?"

Artemis simply chuckled. "My, my, Holly. It really doesn't take much to annoy you."

"Of course it doesn't, Artemis! When you threaten my people, you threaten me as well! Tell me how to get rid of your blob right now!"

"Is that what they're calling it now?" chuckled Artemis. "The blob? Foaly should have come up with a better name than that."

"That doesn't matter, Artemis! Tell me how to get rid of the blob!"

Artemis sighed and leaned back into his chair. "Any particular reason why I should?"

"Yes! It's right above us! You're going to crush a city! You're going to crush me!"

"Desensitization, Holly? I never supposed you would resort to that."

"Argh!"

Think.

Think!

"You could always try saying 'Blob, go away!'" suggested Artemis from his chair. He was solving that day's newspaper crossword puzzle now.

"What? Why?" yelled Holly. "I don't see you having any other better options. Oh, and make sure to hold your Neutrino while doing it."

So that was it? Stick your head out of the shuttle and yell 'Blob, go away!'? Calling it out in normal situations was pretty embarrassing, and he wanted to do it now? "Blob-" said Holly, but it actually came out as more of a croak.

She steeled her will, held her Neutrino in her hand, and poked her head out of the shuttle, and yelled, "Blob, go away!"

And the blob vanished.

Holly was dumbfounded. It wasn't true, it wasn't possible, it wasn't real, but there was a patch of absolute black in E1 now. It was back to...normal?

Holly whirled around to yell at Artemis only to find him solving that day's Sudoku.

"Artemis! What just happened?"

"You asked the blob very nicely to go away, and it did," it sounded like he was trying to hide a smirk.

"And behind you, now,"

Holly spun in a circle; there was a patch of the brightest silver expanding into the shuttle room, it had already destroyed the control panel and now it was going to destroy the monitor-

And then Holly did the most sensible thing that a person with a blaster in their hand could do when faced by an unknown threat.

She shot it.

And the blob exploded.

Holly was thrown down, back into Haven by the force of the explosion, and she was vaguely aware that gelatinous goo was dripping down with her, a deadly meteor shower underground was happening,-

And then she was back in her shuttle, overlooking the city, and the blobs had managed to hit nothing and were coagulating-

And then she was in her shuttle in the middle of the city, her shuttle windshield was clear, and she was assaulted by entirely new senses-

And a glimmering statue of Trouble Kelp wearing a ballerina costume was artistically posed in front of her. It seemed Artemis could indeed read minds.

There was a long silence in the shuttle.

Then an elf's voice said, calmly and quietly,"What."


End file.
